Listen To Your Partner
By Christian Lalov
People tend to look at communication as nothing more than self-expression. Yet, that's only part of the equation. A very important element includes knowing how to listen. The ability to listen to a partner effectively allows a full understanding of their perspective.
This means you’re able to have constructive conversations with your partner while having your personal point of view considered. There may be some misunderstandings when it comes to listening to your partner - so we’ve found a few things to help get the ball rolling.
Choose a proper place and time
Finding a good time and place in which you are both in a state of relaxation is a critical part of effective communication.
If you find that you are shouting together from different rooms, you aren't likely to sufficiently hear what the other person is saying. Furthermore, it's very difficult to listen to someone when there are distractions like loud background noise competing for attention.
Use of body language
When you face the person you are talking to, you're far less likely to focus on what is being said as opposed to looking somewhere else. If they are upset, consider sitting close by, placing an arm around them, and be certain to maintain eye contact.
Listen with intelligence
People often joke about things because it's far easier than to say it outright. Conversely, they may be try to imply something without saying it openly. This can go as far as saying the complete opposite of what they actually mean. Intelligent listening means looking out for the deeper context of a partner's words and going beyond hearing what they are saying to trying to actually understand what they want to say.
Open-ended questions such as "what was that like for you" is a phenomenal method of extending a conversation further, as it provides the partner with the chance to explain things more openly rather than simply putting words into their mouth.
Understanding vs. Being Understood
It's very easy to focus on the things you desire to say instead of the partner's point of view. However, this risks you simply waiting for your opportunity to speak instead of listening. Before you begin to open your mouth, commit to putting your agenda and views aside for the discussion.
Avoid placing judgment
Communication will only flourish when there is mutual trust. However, it flounders when there is criticism or judgment. The ability to listen without imposing judgmental statements or putting others down is critical to maintaining and building more trust.
Even if you find that what is being said by your partner makes little sense, interrupting them is only going to hurt their feelings. No matter the temptation to insist you're in the right, don't give in to your emotions and listen calmly.
Demonstrate empathy
You do not have to always agree, but it's important to always make clear that you understood the partner or at the very least tried to understand. There is a multitude of techniques you can employ to solve this, including the following:
Mirror what the partner said: By repeating back to them their words, it makes it quite clear that the focus is on them and not yourself.
Provide clarification: You need to ensure that you're getting things right instead of assuming. A simple way to do this is by asking questions such as "am I following this right?"
Show empathy: Sentences like "I can imagine that was difficult" are extremely useful in demonstrating to your partner that you're not only listening, but you're putting yourself directly in their shoes.
